hmmm...

2007-08-30T10:59:00.001+08:00

really do wonder why almost every semester i have this kind of thought. last time was malay n wushu, then it was gss. this sem i also have this kind of thought regarding my modules. was i a person so weak that i tend to blame other ppl for my choices, or am i such a weak person that i can't make a good decision for myself. i think the reason is both, but the very main root of the problem is just one simple reason: i didn't do it my way.

2007-07-21T16:09:00.000+08:00

haha wanted to write a story but had no idea how to start...

anyway, i've come to realise that everyone have their very own style of working and doing things. some ppl like to get things done immediately, while some like to take their time. though its a very common sense, but the knowing of it doesn't help until one can understand it.
very often, the lack of understanding may result in intolerance of the different working style.
The person who likes to get things done fast may think " Why not get it done now?" and the latter type of person may think otherwise " Why the hurry?"

I think, as long as things get done on time, it should be appreciated.

2007-05-11T04:02:00.000+08:00

contemplating... thinking... wondering... i feel terrible...
i really worry for my papers... they are hard... especially the last paper... its very hard...
is it just me who feel like that...

i really miss those time in sc.. studying.. playing.. chatting.. eating..
life's not just about studying.. but neither is it only about fun..
studying at that time was fun... nice friends.. nice teachers.. helping one another.. no competition..

i've lost sight of what i want... too engrossed in the right and wrongs of others makes me feel terrible too... i realised too many things are not what i thought they were... i realise i was too stupid not to have done what i like...

comtemplating... thinking... i feel terrible

2007-03-21T09:11:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder why people have to bully other people. but its not the time to ask 'why' anymore for i've come to see that alot of times there is no answer to many things.

human are complicated animals.

2007-03-21T09:09:00.000+08:00

someone is bullying my sis.

Jiayou girl! Stand up for your right!

2007-02-19T22:37:00.000+08:00

there's this feeling i want to write abt sth... abt the gss, abt my frens. i actually dreamt abt the gss program. i dreamt tt all my frens have gotten in except me.. i was disappointed, very. the feeling was not just disappointment but also a bit of frustration.

i rmb how excited i was abt the program at first.. so excited tt i asked ard who was interested, so eager. i'd made up my mind to go for it, to go for a particular country, but was sad to know tt no one was interested in the country i wanted to go. later i found a fren who was interested to go along, but in the period of time before application, there start to have misunderstanding between us. a fren whom i trusted so much actually said tt i don't trust her. how did she get to think like tt? i really don't know. but i know in my heart, i've always treated her as a very good friend. but a phrase she typed in her nick really did disappoint me.

thinking it might be good to join other frens, i asked if other frens are interested to go on the trip too... however it turned out that they had not made up their mind about it. we discussed till the very last minute, and what happened was that i only signed up after the deadline, and what's even more frustrating was that i was the last among them to sign up. my heart sank at that moment, really, i felt like an idiot. really. cos in my heart i knew that if i'd been more independent, i would had signed up one week earlier than the time i actually signed up.

i felt terrible, really.. why am i always such an idiot. why? aunt said i'm an idiot. the only person to blame is myself.. ya i think its right. i realised such things had happened again and again. if it happened only once, its not that stupid, but if it happened again and again, the only reason is i'm not smart and that i had not learnt from my past mistake.

sometimes staying true to my friends hurt me much more.. and maybe its good for me to see... who are truly my friend.

if in this world, friendship really do exists.. may it be lasting.

2007-02-18T16:39:00.000+08:00

Wow... so fast its been almost half a year since i last updated my blog. that's really a long period of time. anyway besides changing the name of my blog, i'd also change the template, into a green one which i think gives the sort of nature wildlife feeling.

2006-09-27T17:19:00.000+08:00

oh gosh... i am super tired out now... super tired

ever since my b'dae... many things have happened tt made me super tired out. on the very day of my b'dae, was supposed to see doctor rite after my practical... but due to some delay... i was too late and didn't manage to see the doctor at all. i was sad but was comforted by the fact that the doctor was leaving on the next day and that i could actually go again the next day.

when i went the next day.. i realised i forgot to bring my wallet so i got to contact my sis to bring it all the way there. sigh and though planned to have that day for studying my test... the whole day was spent on all these.

the following day... oh the day which i had looked forward for so long... a gathering with my clique, which we had yet to meet for so long. and just when i was about to step out of my house... the bottle leak... the water gushed out and flooded by phone. i was so frustrated that in the end i didn't attend the gathering. i spent the day trying to save my phone.. in the end.. it can work but in a super cranky manner... whereby it can switch on by it own... switch off by itself... light up by itself... and the buttons won't even work no matter how hard u press it. *blockheadache*

ok next.. many things followed in that week... missed my comlab session... then realised that the following week was actually my comlab test and i have to get my structure done... but i dun have my structure with me.. in the end... i got a wrong structure... with which i went for the test with. *sob* surely scored badly for that test.
was also shocked when i got to know that i have to complete 3 reports by the next day or the prof will deduct my marks.. i've got cca that day so i tried to complete my report when i got home which was rather late... and still i couldn't complete it *sigh*.. marks deducted again.
went to collect my nmr sample for my report that was supposed to be due the next day... but in the end the lab was closed.. no more collection till next day. *sigh* another late one again.

ok.. i was tired enough by the end of the week. super tired.

following week... went for comtest... and then another test... which i couldn't complete at all... but i realised others at least get to write sth for the last few qns of the test. i tried to keep cool... tried to ignore that fact. haha... later that week... broke my rbf during lab... couldn't finish my lab on time again.. so i returned to school to complete it.. oh and guess what.. i cracked one of the salt plate... *wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh* its terrible.. may have to pay for it. i feel so tired.

today i went back to sch for a meeting... blur me didn't bring key... nobody at home too... tried contacting my family members.. but they are either busy or uncontactable.. i am tired....

after all these... i feel tired, i feel like going back into my shell... and seek shelter... dun go out... dun do anything... just sit somewhere and rest. but maybe its the higher power up in heaven, in nirvana trying to let me know something. Its time to be a better person. to change from a blockhead into someone smarter, to be wiser n stronger. So now it all depends on my mind.

2006-09-24T15:18:00.000+08:00

have realised the fact that amidst the loads of reports and tests.. i have neglected those ppl ard me, n of cos neglected myself too. sleeping late to rush report is definitely detrimental to health.. very. therefore having a much better time management is definitely a must!! MUST!!

A person who can't take care of oneself really can't take care of others.. really.. didn't help sis during her prelims.. she was having difficulty with math, but me didn't help her with her math at all. sigh..

from lab i see alot.. i learnt alot.. i see the way ppl do things.. i see the diff characters of ppl.. i see myself.. i see many many. dun really get the chance to talk to Joyce at all.. cos every lab session i cannot finish my expt on time.. i'm always rushing.. but really hope one day i can speed up.

Remind me of those time in lab... its not easy... but really get to learn alot. its challenging but fun...

2006-09-04T20:24:00.000+08:00

today frens went to ask prof if it is possible to redo their experiment.. n yeah they can redo their experiments!! they must be so happy.. all of them haha!!

today met wenz n austin for dinner.. eat till so full. terrible n i ran for my bus... not feeling very well le. anyway haha oh wenz sang and there's this cd that her cca recorded.. hee... there's her inside too!!!

haha papaya n chilli conversation always makes me laugh nonstop... haha... their conversation is so funny!!!

oh ya talking abt music... how come ppl tend to think the music blockhead listens are oldies... really wonder why... ok blockhead do listen to oldies... but that do not mean blockhead only listen to oldies n no pop at all. haha... never mind... ppl tend to think blockhead thinks in a certain way... but i must say no ok.

blockhead have a fren who ppl tend to see her as a nerd.. she go library everyday.. she study almost 24hr a day.. she scores straight A's everytime... but u know she loves to listen to Jay Chou. ppl like to joke n laugh about her when they know that she actually listens to Jay Chou. hmm... blockhead actually stands at her side... coz u see... there is nothing to laugh about. yup... blockhead thinks there is much more to admire about her... yea... haha!! Jiayou girl!!

2006-08-22T09:22:00.000+08:00

guitar vs wushu, malay vs econs, self vs friends.

ok.. in the end didn't take malay as an elective and will be taking economics. econs timetable will clash with wushu and most prob won't take wushu in school. realise for everything there is a taking n letting go.. i take econs, i let go malay. i take econs, i let go wushu. sad... really sad... cos i think my heart no matter what, still prefer wushu n malay much more than econs.. haha stupid rite.. i m not choosing what i like. ok blockhead again.

no matter what.... this is a lesson to be learn. yeap.. i learn to see that one must fight for what one wants, n not let decisions be affected by others.. learn to see who are true friends.

Thanks to Siewyen, am very thankful for ur encouragement n advice.. really must thank u coz u're really the only friend who tell me that i can go for what i want n that i can do it! Thanks alot.

No matter what.. still believe in one thing.. true friends are those who help one become the best version of oneself!

2006-08-18T18:53:00.000+08:00

hey choo just want to let u know sth... me actually may seem very irritated when u ask me so much qns that day... but i never take it to heart. really. so dun feel bad about it.. anyway me had disturbed u with lots of questions during exams period too... hee haha.

yea blockhead wanna let blockhead's friends know sth:

blockhead believes in love.. really.. the kind of love for all human.. the kind of love that exists in the form of virtues of patience, tolerance, caring, cooperation, helpfulness, consideration, acceptance, trust, integrity, forgiveness.. the list goes on. but really.. its true, blockhead believes in love. the kind of love that do not possess.. the kind of love that let go.. the kind of love that brings one into a greater freedom.. the kind of love that make one loves oneself even more.. the kind of love that can make the world go round.. the kind of love that gives one strength, the kind of love that makes the weak stronger.. it opens ones heart.. it decorates the world with smiles, it brighten up the world.

blockhead really do love.. maybe blockhead do not know how to express it.. but it does not mean no love exist in blockhead. blockhead really do appreciate those who have been patient, tolerant, helpful n caring, especially those ppl whom blockhead has told them that they actually possess 'a big wide heart'.

however.. blockhead have often see the other side of human being.. n seriously for so long blockhead have come to realise.. ppl are generally selfish.. a sad thing to say. n having to believe in the kind of love blockhead believes in.. blockhead is often being seen as an idiot. however blockhead still believe in that type of love.. because blockhead believe that only that kind of love will make the world a much better n happier place to live in.

some quotes to share:

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." --Buddha

"Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier." --Mother Teresa

2006-08-10T17:51:00.000+08:00

hmm... just read an article on friendship... and much questions have come to my mind. what's friendship?? does true friendship exist?? hmm... guess everybody will think differently... for me i have no comments... if u get what i mean... i don't understand friendship.

blockhead believes a true friend will always make one feel better about oneself, and make one find the best in oneself. so my friends... have u make ur friends feel better and love themselves more than before? have u make them discover the beauty in themselves which they don't know they have?

2006-08-08T07:44:00.000+08:00

the first day of school just seems so eventful yet tiring for me. the lunch with my research group was suddenly changed to yesterday instead of today. intend to get sth for my labmates and shifu...so didn't get to give... intend to bring camera on the day of the lunch... so in the end also didn't take pics. intend to meet my friends to take a look at the cca fair... in the end also didn't meet. oh n i wonder where i drop my pen cap, it was in my pocket n when i took my pen out, the cap is gone and the pen spoiled... sad leh... a very nice pen u know.

anyway was really happy to see my labmates... don't know why but really happy to see them... happy to see my mentor'shifu' and the prof too. really do miss them during the period of break or maybe like what others say 'because got nothing to do' that's why i miss them. haha but u know... i dunno if they like me or not.. but i really like them alot. VERY MUCH!
they are a group of very helpful, happy, friendly, caring n wow... i cannot finish thinking of words to describe them. my labmates there is Xiuhui n Andrew, my shifu Joyce n finally Prof Philip. life in the lab can be very stressful n tiring but with these guys around, it really make the days much easier n enjoyable... esp when they are there to lend a helping hand... and to just chat abt anything we feel like.

initially was feeling terrible at the start of the lab session... coz i dun really know any of my labmates, and my clique is all at the other lab. but u see they prove one thing that the prof said earlier :"we are a very small but very friendly group"

oh.. and really got to thank Prof PC for his lunch treat, think he is the only prof that treats the students u know. first time i see him the impression is "wow... super smart person". and after this whole lab session, still stay on the idea that he is indeed a very very smart person. look at the way he handles things, handle situations, the effort he puts in to teach us, the encouragement he gives us and how he communicates with us, i can say he is a person with great IQ and EQ.

next my mentor... she is a very friendly person too! she is patient and really help us alot... she can chat alot with us too.. really.. abt anything.. she is strict when come to doing things right... but that's how we can learn rite. always feel like she's like an elder sister to us.. or maybe i m the only one feeling so.. not sure abt it. Really appreciate her patience in teaching us, her care n helpfulness towards us and her tolerance for my blurness and nonsense.
oh haha..and just found out that she actually took up karate or teakwando, aiyo forget already.. and she is already blackbelt standard!!! wow... super!

Xiuhui... i like to call her name n drag long long... haha she is very nice... was a nurse. so u got it... nurse must be super caring ppl... and she indeed is one. she is frank and that's good..she is the most humourous and cheerful among us. i like to hear her talk about her daily happenings... like the way she laughs too... make me feel like laughing together with her everytime... she can really cheer up everyone with her laughters.

Andrew... he is my project partner too. a very wonderful guy i must say. very helpful, friendly and caring to others. yar... caring... really.. oh and he is a super neat n tidy person.. always wipe the bench till it shines before we leave the lab. shall say he got a super big wide heart, that's what i think he has got. He always help us wash up the apparatus... really feel bad abt it actually... coz i am always much slower than him... then he will help me wash the apparatus too. He jokes quite alot too... haha... really got to thank him for the patience in teaching me alot of stuff too! Thanks to him n xiuhui for asking me to join them for lunch everytime!

2006-08-02T22:34:00.000+08:00

hmmm... what?! can't believe starting a blog... really... the idea of it was so super distant...
anyway, blockhead want to start a blog maybe because blockhead thinks that it may be good to let others know what blockhead thinks, or also to make blockhead reflect more and write more. yupz, so blockhead would like blockhead friends to read what blockhead blogs. get it?? oh.. blockheadache..