really do wonder why almost every semester i have this kind of thought. last time was malay n wushu, then it was gss. this sem i also have this kind of thought regarding my modules. was i a person so weak that i tend to blame other ppl for my choices, or am i such a weak person that i can't make a good decision for myself. i think the reason is both, but the very main root of the problem is just one simple reason: i didn't do it my way.

haha wanted to write a story but had no idea how to start...

anyway, i've come to realise that everyone have their very own style of working and doing things. some ppl like to get things done immediately, while some like to take their time. though its a very common sense, but the knowing of it doesn't help until one can understand it.
very often, the lack of understanding may result in intolerance of the different working style.
The person who likes to get things done fast may think " Why not get it done now?" and the latter type of person may think otherwise " Why the hurry?"

I think, as long as things get done on time, it should be appreciated.

contemplating... thinking... wondering... i feel terrible...
i really worry for my papers... they are hard... especially the last paper... its very hard...
is it just me who feel like that...

i really miss those time in sc.. studying.. playing.. chatting.. eating..
life's not just about studying.. but neither is it only about fun..
studying at that time was fun... nice friends.. nice teachers.. helping one another.. no competition..

i've lost sight of what i want... too engrossed in the right and wrongs of others makes me feel terrible too... i realised too many things are not what i thought they were... i realise i was too stupid not to have done what i like...

comtemplating... thinking... i feel terrible

sometimes i wonder why people have to bully other people. but its not the time to ask 'why' anymore for i've come to see that alot of times there is no answer to many things.

human are complicated animals.

someone is bullying my sis.

Jiayou girl! Stand up for your right!

there's this feeling i want to write abt sth... abt the gss, abt my frens. i actually dreamt abt the gss program. i dreamt tt all my frens have gotten in except me.. i was disappointed, very. the feeling was not just disappointment but also a bit of frustration.

i rmb how excited i was abt the program at first.. so excited tt i asked ard who was interested, so eager. i'd made up my mind to go for it, to go for a particular country, but was sad to know tt no one was interested in the country i wanted to go. later i found a fren who was interested to go along, but in the period of time before application, there start to have misunderstanding between us. a fren whom i trusted so much actually said tt i don't trust her. how did she get to think like tt? i really don't know. but i know in my heart, i've always treated her as a very good friend. but a phrase she typed in her nick really did disappoint me.

thinking it might be good to join other frens, i asked if other frens are interested to go on the trip too... however it turned out that they had not made up their mind about it. we discussed till the very last minute, and what happened was that i only signed up after the deadline, and what's even more frustrating was that i was the last among them to sign up. my heart sank at that moment, really, i felt like an idiot. really. cos in my heart i knew that if i'd been more independent, i would had signed up one week earlier than the time i actually signed up.

i felt terrible, really.. why am i always such an idiot. why? aunt said i'm an idiot. the only person to blame is myself.. ya i think its right. i realised such things had happened again and again. if it happened only once, its not that stupid, but if it happened again and again, the only reason is i'm not smart and that i had not learnt from my past mistake.

sometimes staying true to my friends hurt me much more.. and maybe its good for me to see... who are truly my friend.

if in this world, friendship really do exists.. may it be lasting.

Wow... so fast its been almost half a year since i last updated my blog. that's really a long period of time. anyway besides changing the name of my blog, i'd also change the template, into a green one which i think gives the sort of nature wildlife feeling.

oh gosh... i am super tired out now... super tired

ever since my b'dae... many things have happened tt made me super tired out. on the very day of my b'dae, was supposed to see doctor rite after my practical... but due to some delay... i was too late and didn't manage to see the doctor at all. i was sad but was comforted by the fact that the doctor was leaving on the next day and that i could actually go again the next day.

when i went the next day.. i realised i forgot to bring my wallet so i got to contact my sis to bring it all the way there. sigh and though planned to have that day for studying my test... the whole day was spent on all these.

the following day... oh the day which i had looked forward for so long... a gathering with my clique, which we had yet to meet for so long. and just when i was about to step out of my house... the bottle leak... the water gushed out and flooded by phone. i was so frustrated that in the end i didn't attend the gathering. i spent the day trying to save my phone.. in the end.. it can work but in a super cranky manner... whereby it can switch on by it own... switch off by itself... light up by itself... and the buttons won't even work no matter how hard u press it. *blockheadache*

ok next.. many things followed in that week... missed my comlab session... then realised that the following week was actually my comlab test and i have to get my structure done... but i dun have my structure with me.. in the end... i got a wrong structure... with which i went for the test with. *sob* surely scored badly for that test.
was also shocked when i got to know that i have to complete 3 reports by the next day or the prof will deduct my marks.. i've got cca that day so i tried to complete my report when i got home which was rather late... and still i couldn't complete it *sigh*.. marks deducted again.
went to collect my nmr sample for my report that was supposed to be due the next day... but in the end the lab was closed.. no more collection till next day. *sigh* another late one again.

ok.. i was tired enough by the end of the week. super tired.

following week... went for comtest... and then another test... which i couldn't complete at all... but i realised others at least get to write sth for the last few qns of the test. i tried to keep cool... tried to ignore that fact. haha... later that week... broke my rbf during lab... couldn't finish my lab on time again.. so i returned to school to complete it.. oh and guess what.. i cracked one of the salt plate... *wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh* its terrible.. may have to pay for it. i feel so tired.

today i went back to sch for a meeting... blur me didn't bring key... nobody at home too... tried contacting my family members.. but they are either busy or uncontactable.. i am tired....

after all these... i feel tired, i feel like going back into my shell... and seek shelter... dun go out... dun do anything... just sit somewhere and rest. but maybe its the higher power up in heaven, in nirvana trying to let me know something. Its time to be a better person. to change from a blockhead into someone smarter, to be wiser n stronger. So now it all depends on my mind.