there's this feeling i want to write abt sth... abt the gss, abt my frens. i actually dreamt abt the gss program. i dreamt tt all my frens have gotten in except me.. i was disappointed, very. the feeling was not just disappointment but also a bit of frustration.

i rmb how excited i was abt the program at first.. so excited tt i asked ard who was interested, so eager. i'd made up my mind to go for it, to go for a particular country, but was sad to know tt no one was interested in the country i wanted to go. later i found a fren who was interested to go along, but in the period of time before application, there start to have misunderstanding between us. a fren whom i trusted so much actually said tt i don't trust her. how did she get to think like tt? i really don't know. but i know in my heart, i've always treated her as a very good friend. but a phrase she typed in her nick really did disappoint me.

thinking it might be good to join other frens, i asked if other frens are interested to go on the trip too... however it turned out that they had not made up their mind about it. we discussed till the very last minute, and what happened was that i only signed up after the deadline, and what's even more frustrating was that i was the last among them to sign up. my heart sank at that moment, really, i felt like an idiot. really. cos in my heart i knew that if i'd been more independent, i would had signed up one week earlier than the time i actually signed up.

i felt terrible, really.. why am i always such an idiot. why? aunt said i'm an idiot. the only person to blame is myself.. ya i think its right. i realised such things had happened again and again. if it happened only once, its not that stupid, but if it happened again and again, the only reason is i'm not smart and that i had not learnt from my past mistake.

sometimes staying true to my friends hurt me much more.. and maybe its good for me to see... who are truly my friend.

if in this world, friendship really do exists.. may it be lasting.

Wow... so fast its been almost half a year since i last updated my blog. that's really a long period of time. anyway besides changing the name of my blog, i'd also change the template, into a green one which i think gives the sort of nature wildlife feeling.